THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO "ST. TITLEIST"


May thy ball lie in green pastures -- and not in still waters.

~Author Unknown

The only time my prayers are never answered

is on the golf course.

~Billy Graham

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us.

Just how childlike golfers become is proven

by their frequent

inability to count past five.

~John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic

a place the world is

when one is playing golf.

~Robert Lynd

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball,

the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.

Golf is more complicated than that.

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork

the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

~Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

~William Wordsworth

If you drink, don't drive.

Don't even putt.

~Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club,

it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway,

so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

~Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for other accidents,

but feels personally responsible

when he makes a hole in one.

~Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad,

but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

~Author Unknown

My handicap?

Woods and irons.

~Chris Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest

if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

~Pete Dye

I'm hitting the woods just great --

but having a terrible time getting out of them!

~Author Unknown

If you think it's hard to meet new people,

try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up

lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

~Mark Twain

Don't play too much golf.

Two rounds a day are plenty.

~Harry Vardon

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy

without being good at them.

~Jimmy DeMaret

The difference in golf and government

is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

~George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

~Author Unknown

If I hit it right, it's a slice.

If I hit it left, it's a hook.

If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

~Author Unknown


AMEN